LUCKY #13

13. What is your favorite sport?

Lately, I've been really into soccer.  But that's not for the sport, that's for the boys. I love soccer players, oh my god. Hottest breed of men EVER.  I mean, seriously, have you seen David Beckham?

But honestly, and this is so embarrassing when I go to watch my soccer boys here at DU play (or my siblings...oops), I don't know the ins and outs of soccer at all.  I mean, I know enough to get me by, but that's about it.
As far as actually understanding sports, college basketball is what I get into.  But I can't go that tall. ;)

I slacked off, so here's a bunch to make up for it. (8-12)

8. What do you like the most about yourself?

I almost just cheated and asked my friend what he likes most about me. But hey, that's not what the question asked. See, here's the thing, I find it difficult to find many things I like about myself, although I could list off a million things I hate about myself. So I guess if there's one thing I like about myself, it's my ability to get attention, as horrible as that sounds. I'm really good at it, and when I start to feel bad about relying on that skill, I think: it's not what you know, it's who you know.

9. Are you a lover or a fighter?

I'm a little bit of both, if that makes sense.  The boy who decides to not leave me will be the luckiest guy ever, because I can promise I will love him totally and completely.  At the same time, if you piss me off, watch out.  I can make you feel horrible and release wrath you don't know the end of.  But I think that combination is what makes me so initially endearing.  I can flirt like crazy because I'm simultaneously tearing you apart but showing you glimpses of crazy affection. I'm confusing and that's exciting, hence the ability to acquire attention.

10. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?

Secrets or getting left alone.  Either one involves shadiness and lying and feelings getting hurt. Just be honest with me.  If things aren't working, just tell me...maybe we can fix things.

11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change and why?

I'm so freaking emotional, and it sucks. Sure, someone may appreciate it someday, but until then, it just makes life difficult.

12. What are features you get complimented on a lot?

My big eyes, pretty hair, height, petite-ness, smile....I don't know, it seems that I survive on my appearance. Whatever.

And on the SEVENTH DAY, He rested.

7. What is something you’re addicted to?

 

 

 

Honestly, as dumb and crazy and stupid as it sounds, it's gotta be love. I love love. I love everything about it. I love the joy and pain it is capable of bringing. I love that it kept Harry Potter alive. I love how on air you feel when it's present and the creativity it pulls out of people when it's stolen from you. I love the strength it has but can still be so gentle. I look for it everywhere, in everything and everyone. It's ridiculous, and maybe it's an attention thing, but it's what I want more than anything.

 

By the way, I'm addicted to letters to crushes. Legit. I bet you could find me there if you tried. lalala

DAY SIX

Day 6: Have you ever been heartbroken? Have you ever broken a heart?

 

Yes, to both. I find myself often breaking hearts, and I don't mean to sound conceited when I say that.  I get bored easily, and I also find myself falling in love with every other guy I see. To quote my favorite movie in attempt to snap myself out of it:

 

"Just because a cute girl likes the same bizzaro crap you do, doesn't mean she's your soulmate."

 

 

Because of this, I get my heart broken a lot, but I don't know if it's really the guys doing it or if I'm breaking my own heart due to overtly high expectations. Either way, I've lost faith in love as of late. I want my fairytale, and I'm afraid it's never going to happen.

 

I apologize for these blogs seriously SUCKING. I've been having minor (major?) freak-outs lately and can't focus for my life.

DAY FIVE

5. What is your phobia/fear?

 

Okay, I only have about a million. Spiders, sharks, snakes, heights, deep water, crowds, tight spaces, not being able to move my limbs, not death but dying, having to pretend I know something when I have no clue (yes, I know that sounds absurd coming from me)...but I have one that absolutely terrifies me:

Being completely alone.

 

To go through all of that by myself, without anyone telling me it'll be a-okay? Holy crap, no. Couldn't do it.

I can see how this would go along with day three (true love), because my explanation was feeling safe and secure. Obviously I'm disgustingly insecure if that's what I need more than anything else. Could I be any more typically teen? Seriously.

 

It's so sad that the feeling this photo portrays to me is exactly what I need to never be afraid of anything ever again.  What happened to relying on myself?

 

DAY FOUR

4. What is the best and worst jobs you have ever had?

 

Honestly, I've had one legitimate job....and I hated it.  I worked as a hostess at a local restaurant owned by this Greek family that thought they owned the world.  I dealt with constant sexism, racism (seriously...they hated anyone who wasn't Greek), and sexual and verbal abuse. I wanted to and could've sued, but I wouldn't have just been going against the owner's nasty son; I would've been going against the entire family/chain of restaurants.  So basically, I just couldn't wait to go to school.

 

(Sorry this one was so short. I've had a lot on my mind.) 

On the subject of love...

Today, my best friend is going through something difficult. A family member has passed and I know she is struggling with how to handle it. Kellycakes, it is going to be okay. Today, I want you to cry if you feel like it. Hate life if you feel like it. Call him if you feel like it. You can, it's okay. He will understand; he will listen.

Jersey Shore Night FTW

I have some things to tell you, if you're reading this (which I know you will). All throughout high school, I never felt like I had a best friend.  Since I transferred in, I felt like everyone had their own little cliques already and I had to work to muscle in. I felt like that with you, even, when we first started religiously hanging out this summer. But you know what? It's whatever. I finally feel like I have someone there to count on, even if you're hours away from me for school. For once, I don't have to rely on boys to be happy, I have friends.

I want to thank you for being there all the time, even when you didn't have to be.  Thank you for deepening my obsession with Taylor Swift and John Mayer and Glee and for reintroducing me to the love that is Coldplay and puppy chow.  Thank you for appreciating my awkwardness and accepting my hopeless romanticism.  Thank you for being a sarcastic bitch with me.  Thank you for giving me someone to cry to when I feel pathetic and stupid (and since you know I can't go to him anymore).  Thank you for the countless rides because you know driving scares the hell out of me and for inviting me into your home and life more times than you probably should have.

Kelly, I love you. I don't care how lesbian this all sounds because I know you won't take it that way. You are amazing and wonderful and I am so grateful for you. Remember, sometimes, you don't have to stay strong. I am always here whenever you need me, you know that. <3 If a boy never decides to deal with my craziness, I know at least I found my other half in a best friend.

DAY THREE

3. What is true love?

Today, just because it is today, this question sucks. I used to think I knew what true love was, despite all the "grown-ups" telling me I didn't. I loved him with this almost pathetic fire, it consumed that much of my life. Everything I did was due to that love, although people tended to view my actions a little differently.  They saw the fighting and the bitch-drama and how jealous and possessive I was. But they weren't in our relationship. I got jealous because sometimes I was afraid he didn't love me like I loved him and I acted out negatively for his attention and whatever, my life revolved around this unstable love.

Still, though, he started molding my thoughts as to what real true love is. Love is when you're so comfortable around someone that his and your imperfections and perfections all meld together, and you could be seriously happy with just laying around all day, soaking in each other's laughter and stories and "I love you" vibes. It's when effort isn't something on the forefront of your mind, because you wouldn't think to put in any less than 110% into the relationship. And, sure, you would do anything for that person, you would let them leave if they wanted to, but there's that peaceful feeling because you know they wouldn't think twice to ever leave what you two have. True love is like that perfect, deep exhale after holding your breath for forever too long, but it doesn't just last for a few seconds until you have to breathe in again...it's like a 24/7 woosh of feel-good. 

Sure, you may struggle, you may slip up, but you know you're secure. You're safe. That's love.

On that note, go here. Please. It's fantastic: letters to crushes. That is all. :)

DAY TWO

2. What’s your favorite season, and why?

My favorite season might be fall, which is weird, because I used to hate it.  I hated fall because it led to winter, but now I feel like I don't hate winter as much either.  And hey, guess what, spring isn't that bad either.  I used to only live for summer every year, and don't get me wrong, I love summer. I love everything about it.  But know, I feel like I can appreciate all of the seasons a little closer to equally, and fall just has that prettiness to it.  I'm definitely gonna be that mom that has fall decorations...not for a specific holiday, like Halloween or Thanksgiving (I mean, I'll have that stuff, too), but just for the sake of it being fall. And that's that.

Seriously, this is unacceptable./DAY ONE

It's been over a month.  My last post was October 21st, and let's be honest, a compilation of random picture doesn't count for much of anything.  I apologize to my invisible audience; you must be so distraught.

Okay, so life has turned into this crazy, dramatic, insane, busy mess of college-ness.  So, since I've gotten a little sidetracked, I'm giving myself a reason to blog consistently.  It's this 20-day challenge that I saw on my friend's blog (read it) that is brilliant. As is my motto as of late: Here goes nothing.

1. If you could wish for anything that would come true right now, what would it be?
2. What’s your favorite season, and why?

3. What is true love?

4. What is the best and worst jobs you have ever had?

5. What is your phobia/fear?

6. Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?

7. What is something you’re addicted to?

8. What do you like the most about yourself?

9. Are you a lover or a fighter?

10. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?

11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change and why?

12. What are features you get complimented on a lot?

13. What is your favorite sport?

14. Write a letter to someone important in your life.

15. Whom do you admire the most?

16. What are 10 goals in your life?

17. What gives you sincere happiness?

18. What are the 10 most significant memories in your life?

19. When were the happiest days in your life?

20. If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?

 

DAY ONE

1. If you could wish for anything that would come true right now, what would it be?

Honestly, I just want consistency in something.  My grades, my dance ability/technique, friendships, relationships...hell, even my sleep schedule. Everything is in constant flux right now, and I would definitely say I'm more of a routine-oriented person.

I'm such a typical chick though; of course an attractive (ahem perfect) boy showing interest would prompt this answer. "It's complicated", and frankly, it sucks. I would go more into detail, but I feel like exploiting his life over the internet (to all of you people who don't read this anyway...) isn't in the least bit classy. Basically, it's another classic case of a man not knowing what he wants, and I'm somehow caught in the mix.  So, consistency, please.