On the subject of love...

Today, my best friend is going through something difficult. A family member has passed and I know she is struggling with how to handle it. Kellycakes, it is going to be okay. Today, I want you to cry if you feel like it. Hate life if you feel like it. Call him if you feel like it. You can, it's okay. He will understand; he will listen.

Jersey Shore Night FTW

I have some things to tell you, if you're reading this (which I know you will). All throughout high school, I never felt like I had a best friend.  Since I transferred in, I felt like everyone had their own little cliques already and I had to work to muscle in. I felt like that with you, even, when we first started religiously hanging out this summer. But you know what? It's whatever. I finally feel like I have someone there to count on, even if you're hours away from me for school. For once, I don't have to rely on boys to be happy, I have friends.

I want to thank you for being there all the time, even when you didn't have to be.  Thank you for deepening my obsession with Taylor Swift and John Mayer and Glee and for reintroducing me to the love that is Coldplay and puppy chow.  Thank you for appreciating my awkwardness and accepting my hopeless romanticism.  Thank you for being a sarcastic bitch with me.  Thank you for giving me someone to cry to when I feel pathetic and stupid (and since you know I can't go to him anymore).  Thank you for the countless rides because you know driving scares the hell out of me and for inviting me into your home and life more times than you probably should have.

Kelly, I love you. I don't care how lesbian this all sounds because I know you won't take it that way. You are amazing and wonderful and I am so grateful for you. Remember, sometimes, you don't have to stay strong. I am always here whenever you need me, you know that. <3 If a boy never decides to deal with my craziness, I know at least I found my other half in a best friend.

DAY THREE

3. What is true love?

Today, just because it is today, this question sucks. I used to think I knew what true love was, despite all the "grown-ups" telling me I didn't. I loved him with this almost pathetic fire, it consumed that much of my life. Everything I did was due to that love, although people tended to view my actions a little differently.  They saw the fighting and the bitch-drama and how jealous and possessive I was. But they weren't in our relationship. I got jealous because sometimes I was afraid he didn't love me like I loved him and I acted out negatively for his attention and whatever, my life revolved around this unstable love.

Still, though, he started molding my thoughts as to what real true love is. Love is when you're so comfortable around someone that his and your imperfections and perfections all meld together, and you could be seriously happy with just laying around all day, soaking in each other's laughter and stories and "I love you" vibes. It's when effort isn't something on the forefront of your mind, because you wouldn't think to put in any less than 110% into the relationship. And, sure, you would do anything for that person, you would let them leave if they wanted to, but there's that peaceful feeling because you know they wouldn't think twice to ever leave what you two have. True love is like that perfect, deep exhale after holding your breath for forever too long, but it doesn't just last for a few seconds until you have to breathe in again...it's like a 24/7 woosh of feel-good. 

Sure, you may struggle, you may slip up, but you know you're secure. You're safe. That's love.

On that note, go here. Please. It's fantastic: letters to crushes. That is all. :)