Here comes another theory:
Everything in life boils down to effort. Lack there of, amount put in, etc.
Honestly, people that give up bug me to no end. Believe it or not, I find myself changing myself for everyone and their mother just to please them, to make things work, to fix broken things, while in return I get ignored or stepped on.
(Side note: This reminded me of Mr. Guimond's senior AP English Lit. class while we were reading Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. One of the essential questions was, "Is it worse to be unacknowledged or ignored?" Other people took time to think and then answered carefully; I knew as soon as he asked: ignored, obviously. To have someone know you're trying so hard to please them, to let them know you exist and that you care, and them to have them ignore that....that's torture. Complete emotional torture.)
At the moment, I am actively trying to be a better person: "watch my mouth", not flirt with every boy in sight, be a more God-fearing individual, work harder, be smarter, stand up for myself, etc. Why am I doing this? Only to prove to a boy (shocker there) who lives three hours away from me that I really do care what happens to us/the potential of us. By the way, this is not the easiest thing for me to do. I slipped up this summer, started turning into the person I said I would never be, the girl I hated and had no respect for.
"TMI" time: This is the first kid I've been with/spent time with this summer that I felt I didn't have to convince myself I was doing better than my ex boyfriend. Does that make sense? This kid has potential to be better than the only serious relationship I've ever had. I want to try, and I'm really scared he's going to give up like the rest of the world.
Now back to the effort thing: after a good couple of months (after a truly good couple of years) fighting with my ex and just doing things to tick each other off and get back at each other, we were finally even. He had hurt me as much as I had hurt him. I saw the huge canyon of a break that had appeared between us and couldn't stand to let it stay that way. In my opinion, everything is fixable, and I am the type of person who looks for a solution in every situation. I saw an opportunity to start fresh, to really try to fix things instead of just letting them fester.
Theory #2: Time does not heal all wounds. It lets them sit there, lets you think about them and drive yourself crazy over what went wrong until eventually you just go numb and don't care anymore. Letting yourself go numb is the worst thing you can do. Fight for what you want.
Obviously, seeing how he's my ex now, the effort went one way. Moving on to my next boyfriend, my prom date, my, well, to put it bluntly, rebound...same story. Okay, newsflash: people argue. Cool, fix it. Don't give up on it. Lack of effort led to the end of that relationship.
This seems to be a lovely little trend in my life, and honestly it's getting really old. I would say, "Maybe I should stop trying so hard for people that don't really care." but that would be giving up, and seriously, do I have to tell you again? I hate that more than anything.
